Before we realized and could turn around, the military checkpoint appeared and we already envisioned our car getting searched endlessly for bombs. So we were apologetically blamed Google, but the guard basically grinned, asked for our ID, duly recorded it, called some other guys about some ‘unauthorized vehicle coming through back’ and made sure we understood where exactly we were supposed to turn around. Probably happens to him a hundred times a day…

Eventually we found a non-militarized Starbucks nearby and then made our way to DC. Our iPhone also told us about the best price for parking nearby the museum, but it actually turned out that street parking was free and unlimited on Sunday, and we had no problem finding a spot right across from the museum, since we were very early.

The museum itself was great. The boys had a lot of fun building an Igloo, and even more fun destroying it, and it was quite interesting for the grown-ups, too. The best was probably the museum restaurant though. It’s quite pricey, but was exceptionally good, with very unusual (for us) American Indian food.

And that was the end – it was time to make the trip home. Almost 4000 miles later, the last stretch had pretty heavy traffic, but we made it, and the kids were happy to be back and re-united with all their toys and a bathtub…

So instead, we left the motel to go to a farm near Richmond VA to watch some sheep shearing – and to freeze there, even in the sun. The sheep was amazingly calm, but after 15 minutes the kids were more interested in going to a nearby playground, so we did.

That was enough of Richmond for us though. We considered the children’s museum there but then decided to go to Fredericksburg VA instead and to visit Mary Washington’s house. This was a very nice little museum with a lot of stories that even managed to catch the boys’ attention for a while.

They particularly liked the playroom in the garden though, which had various games, including stilts and bocce. However, the fun ended rather abruptly when Timofei managed to throw a heavy bocce ball right on Yelisei’s little pinky as Yelisei was reaching for a bocce ball himself.

So we drove screaming Yelisei with a bag of ice on his pinky to the emergency room as it was pretty blue and swollen. Of course the emergency room is the only health care for many people in America, so it was packed. We would have waited at least two or three hours there. Luckily, both Yelisei and Timofei soon fell asleep, so we skipped the emergency room. Renzo stayed in the car with the kids and I went for a walk through the old town of Fredericksburg VA.

Fredericksburg VA is a very cute town and I learned from the museum that this was basically a town of failures. For example, it took them 20 years to build some canal that in the end nobody needed. Even today, it was a nice spring day, but the antique stores were more like junk stores.

When Yelisei woke up, he was all fine again and had just a little pain in his pinky. Our sprits lifted accordingly, we found further salvation in yet another ethnic dive restaurant, this time Latin food from Salvador. Nobody spoke any English and the food was another winner.

Fully back in a good mood now, we next drove to a used car lot to check out a Toyota Tacoma that Renzo been going on about as one of his dream cars if we ever buy another car. When we were looking for this car, some dealer in Staten Island actually refused to let us test drive any cars because we were obviously not going to buy anything. Not in Fredericksburg VA – the sales guys were nicely low key and let us tourists drive his Tacoma, no problem. I was actually quite impressed with it – I liked the substantial tires, the clutch was amazing (this was a stick shift, Renzo still refuses to consider an automatic), and it had a nice front bumper – very useful for parking in Brooklyn. Definitely a car I could be driving to South America in, if it only came with a stove and sink ready for action on demand.

Next stop: Yet another motel, this time of the sketchy sort, close to Washington DC. No further incidents or accidents except that I could not fall asleep at all!

The big ones can sleep10 people and have cable TV, air conditioners, heat and a full kitchen as well as a shower and a toilet. The small ones with no bathroom are very small. They can still sleep four and have two gas burners and a sink. Also there is a table to eat for four. I have to say I was jealous about the indoor kitchen. But mostly because you don’t have to put it away…
We had lunch in some small redneck ville in North Carolina.

Once we arrived in Richmond VA, we decided that we were not ready for such a big city yet. So rather than planning for a downtown walk the next morning, we found a historic farm to go to the next morning and to watch some sheep shearing.

For dinner Renzo found a vegetarian Vietnamese restaurant. It was a real dive, but the food was fantastic and the owners were the most wonderful people, an elderly couple from Vietnam.

All the greater then was our shock when we arrived at the motel that we had already made reservations for on the way. The entrance are was entirely packed with dozens of high schoolers on a field trip, apparently some kind of sports team. They were pretty well behaved but we were worried about a bunch of screaming teenagers keeping us up all night.

In the end, the teenagers were quiet and what kept us up instead was some rotten wiring and/or air conditioner that decided to make a lot of noise most of the night.

We then continued on I-95. At around 8 pm we stopped at some highway hotel. I still can not tell what I prefer from all the variety. Howard Johnson in this case had a decent breakfast and clean bed sheets. In all our travels we stayed in Budget Inn, Motel 6, Motel 8 , Econolodge, Quality Inn, La Quinta, Sleep Inn and probably more. All of them are a different level of shittyness but all around $60 and mostly clean.

I also want to sing an ode to Indian people. Not American Indian in this case but Indians from India. Why may you ask? For working and running countless God forsaken hotels and gas stations. I always wonder how they must feel in the backwaters of Florida or Georgia? In those places they probably have no friends at all.

I asked one guy in a Georgia gas station if he likes it here? He was shaking his head violently: NO! He can not wait to go back to Mumbai. Thank you anyway. I appreciate your service.

In the morning we went to Pine Island beach. It was a nice small beach with a playground, cafe, and knee deep calm waters. All the ingredients for the happiness of 3 and 4 year old boys. Also there were horse shoe crabs, regular crabs that buried themselves in the sand. Also we were at some point in the middle of a swarm of black flies. All of a sudden we were covered in them and the next minute they were gone. Then everyone’s cellphone got an Amber alert. That was puzzling but thank God for Google – we found out that the Amber alert means that a child was abducted in Tampa. Apparently they let everyone in the state know.

Our kids had a blast at the beach and we stayed there as long as the weather permitted. We had already prepared for the evening rain in the morning.
Since the beginning of this trip we were carrying three pieces of tarp with us – only now we got to use it. When I had bought the tarp and opened it up in my apartment I was thinking this is huge! Now that we opened it on the campground to hang it over the table it looked impossibly small! So we managed to hang two of them over the picnic table and to cover two beach chairs. It only took us two hours. Our neighbor on the other hand had a perfect set up with expandable poles that originally served as gold ball retrievers which he now used as the center dome for his tarp. A real engineer at work.

But our construction held up well. It was raining pretty heavily in the late evening and most of the night but our table and chairs kept dry. Our tent once again proved its worth as well – no water inside at all!

The next morning we made our last campfire, slowly packed up and prepared for the long trip home, with only one extended stop, in Richmond, Virginia. No more camping – it’s cold and wet north of here, so we’ll drive right through.

In the morning we rented a canoe. Everyone got his own paddle, even Yelisei. It was all around beautiful. The water was so clear you could see all the way to the bottom. There were several springs that we could see as perfect circle craters. There was so much fish, it made me think of the time before America was discovered. I imagine you could fish with your bare hands here. On a motor boat you could go far down that river but on our paddle boat we went to different shallow inlets that were shady and abundant with fish and just magnificent.

We had lunch on land on the edge of a perfectly round and blue pool of water fed by several springs. It was full of big fish. Timofei found a long piece of gras and was fishing. I think he was convinced that if he puts a stick in the water then eventually there will be a fish on the end of it. He was quite disappointed that no fish came to bite. He could not understand why, although I explained to him the concept of fishing rods and bait several times.

Then we had to decide what to do next. It looked like it was going to rain where we were going to go next, so we decided to stay put and go to the beach nearby the next day.
We moved to a different site, away from the drunken boys. In the evening by the fire we enjoyed not only peace and quiet but also armadillo and several raccoons just a few feet from us.

The campground was in a gorgeous swampy forest with lots of Armadillos and Raccoons and it was pretty empty, except that we ended up next to three college boys who were pretty nice initially but then got more and more drunk until one of them thought it would be cool to run screaming after an Amadillo, with a machete in hand…

Their drunken loud chatter was pretty annoying – we told them twice to keep it down, but it was of course useless. Eventually, their chief moron passed out at midnight and so did his followers. Thankfully, the next day made up for it though.

Though Long Key was a terrific spot for camping, our kids could not swim there. When we arrived the tide was low and they were afraid to go to the water edge because of all the mud and seaweed and critters in the muck. When the tide was up, we had to pack up and leave but not before we took a short hike on the boardwalk trail. It started off as mangrove, then we crossed a river and found charming picnic spots on the water edge under trees. There was no one there. I could not think of a better picnic spot. It was under awnings surrounded by trees with water and even had an open shower to cool of. It was beautiful.

Then we went on the trail that said it was an hour long through different coastal community’s of plants. We went only for 10 mins and our boys were hot and exhausted. We were next to the water so I decided to dip them into the water. The alligators did not see that.

The next night we were staying at Bahia Honda State Park. We arrived there around 3 pm, briefly checked out our spot and went straight to the beach. Finally, it was a real beach! With sand, blue and salty water. Timofei and Yelisei had a blast! The water was cool but it was hot enough on the beach to warm up quickly. Reluctantly, we left at 5:30 pm to set up our camp.

On the campsite next to ours there was a family with two children. Timofei went to play with them as I was making dinner. God bless that family! They did an egg hunt with cash inside an egg. Renzo did not approve of cash in Easter eggs but I thought it is better than candy.

Our campsite was next to the boat dock where four pelicans and one beautiful white crane-like bird were hanging out. Fishing boats were coming in and out. Children were playing there as well. The water was so clear that you could see foot long fish swimming. Pelicans came up to you so close that you could see five different colors and kinds of feathers that they had on their heads and neck. Chocolate brown on the back, yellowish on top black and gray in between. Their beak was so long that the tip of it was always in the water. Until then I considered them to be ugly birds. But now I can see their beauty.

The campsite by the dock had one disadvantage. The boats were coming in as late as 1 am! But it was brief and Renzo did not even wake up for that.
“Is the girl still here?” Timofei asked when he woke up.

I never noticed it before but apparently the chicken are wild in Key West. Those roosters that woke us up that morning were calling from all around us. So I was thinking, it is strange how popular it is to keep chicken around here. It turned out no one owns those chicken! They roam the streets on their own! We saw them all over Key West, even little chicks. I was so curious about this that I asked a cashier at a gas station about it. She said that she heard that they used to be fighting cocks which then went wild.

Since our neighbors were leaving in the morning and they were the only nice thing there, Renzo was looking for just about any other spot for the next night. At midnight he managed to find and book one spot for one night in Long Key State Park. Earlier that day I made a reservation for Sunday night at Bahia Honda State Park. It looked like our Easter weekend was not a complete disaster after all.

Following recommendation of our nice neighbors for the nicest beach we went to Higgs Beach in Key West for an afternoon of beach time.

I can not say that Key West has the world’s nicest beaches but there was sand, a bathroom and water to swim in, though it was on the cold side. That is all you need for our kids to be happy.

We set up our chairs under a tree next to a picnic table. At that picnic table sat an older woman. She was from some Muslim country but I could not place it from which one. Her dress had a blue under dress with a beautiful fine batik print and black and brown embroidered robe like over dress. She had a beautiful dark face with black brows that almost met. She was reading something that looked like a prayer book. It tuned out that this lady was from Uzbekistan and spoke perfect Russian. She was so happy to speak to us. She did not speak English and Russian was the only foreign language that she knew. She was in Key West for two months visiting her son. But he works as well as her Uzbekistan girlfriends.

We spoke a bit and I mentioned how much I liked this certain kind of cheese that they have in her country. She opened her bag and pulled out a bag with that cheese! She gave me some -and there I was, eating an Uzbekistan delicacy on Higgs Beach in Key West, speaking Russian to a woman in a head scarf!!

Just then I saw a family with two children of Timofei’s age walking onto the beach. I thought that maybe Timofei can play with those kids. Then the father of that family turns to me and says: Ksenia? And then I recognized them. I know them from New York!!!! And they are Russian!

Though I speak English I still prefer Russian company. We all spent a fantastic afternoon on the beach. Rashid, the husband of the Russian family, was the first one in the water. It was cold to enter but once you where in it was very nice. Even our chicken children went in, probably being impressed by Rashid’s twins.

The Uzbekistan woman was afraid to go into the water by herself since she could not swim and the bottom was rocky and she was afraid to fall. I went with her hand in hand into the water. She was wearing some kind of purple pajama and her head scarf was fully covering her neck. As Renzo pointed out later, we were quite a spectacle for the entire beach. I guess they have never seen a Muslim woman holding hands with white chick with pink hair enter the cold waters of the Atlantic ocean. I have to say: me neither.

Unfortunately, we had to leave this Russian speaking paradise and go find something to eat. We ignored the recommended Uzbek restaurant that just opened in Key West as well as the seaport fish places. We felt like Cuban food. So we whipped out our iPhone and opened good old Yelp. First try was a miss – it turned out to be a window deli next to coin laundry. We wanted authentic but not that pedestrian. But the second hit was a winner.

Habana 1 it was called. The walls were covered with mostly portrait paintings. Timofei said that he did not like those because the people all had long necks. I liked them because almost all people on those paintings had long necks. We ordered steak, a tropical medley and grilled fish. Everything came with the most beautiful orange colored rice and black beans.

Everything was exceptionally good especially the rice and beans. Usually I am not a big fan of rice and beans but this one was a piece of art! The rice had a hint of saffron taste and the beans had a very delicate blend of spice and were firm in broth with bay leaf and something else that I could not tell what it was. We cleaned up all the plates!
What a day!

Then we were off to Long Key State Park. This park had 54 campsites all waterfront and all very big with trees in between. After That private campground in Key West, it felt like coming back to paradise. This is the only campground that I have seen that had no bad sites. Even as we were next to the bathroom, it had so much space it was very nice. Usually we pick the furthest spot from the bathroom to avoid high traffic and the light that shines all night.

Finally, we had a good night’s sleep again. But only to be ruined in the morning by an Easter morning gone bad…

I was worried for a second about our new neighbors last night when it was clueless teenage girls, but this next night it was a wholesome American family with three teenage girls. It went well though, all things considered. The next morning after we had our breakfast and packed, we were on a trail by 10:30am. We took an easy half a mile loop around a pond. There was a lot of butterflies and some beautiful birds. Though it was short, it still took some convincing for our kids to move forward.

Next on our program was the alligator farm in Homestead, FL. I generally don’t think of alligators as cute but the new hatchlings were just that, very cute.

We went to this same farm 10 years ago with Renzo. It was really nice to return there with kids. At Renzo’s insistence we sat on the first row of a air boat ride and got predictably wet. Timofei loved it, Yelisei not so much.

Next was lunch. On our way we saw a small shack that said: you have seen the alligators, now you can eat them. Lured by an Italian flag outside we went for it. That was THE BEST alligator meat I have ever tried. Very nice!

Now we only had an hour and a half drive to Key Largo and we would possibly be swimming in the ocean!

A word of advice from the BIGGEST losers yours truly: Make reservations for a state park in the Florida Keys on an Easter weekend! What we missed out completely is that today was Friday. What were we thinking?? Frantically we started calling all campgrounds in the Keys. Private and not. On Reserve America they said that Bahia Honda had the last two spots available, but they are walk in and you can not make a reservation. Also, you can not make reservation on the same day at all.

So we took off to Bahia Honda State Park to try our luck. After an 1 1/2 hr drive it was full and we were the 30th campers coming to this bitch with a burned nose with that question. We started frantically calling again. By now it is 5:30 and the kids are hungry and both of them want to poop. As Renzo is making phone calls, I went to ask the burned nose for the bathroom. She asked us to pay $9 to enter the park. Luckily we had a portable potty that Yelisei used. Now what to do with the bag of poop? I had to force myself not to leave it with Mrs. Burned Nose at her door.

Finally we got lucky. A campground that had one free space! For $80! I thought that $30 was expensive. It turned out to be $60 when we came there. Maybe some consider that a bargain but it’s still a rip-off for what you get: about 12 square meters of space with neighbors so close, you can hear them breathe. We actually didn’t quite know how to fit our car and our tent into the space, it was ridiculous.

To top it off, our neighbors arrived at midnight, talking and laughing loudly as they set up their tent and them some crazy rooster started calling his hens at 4 am every few seconds untill 6 am. What a night!

And yet… after all this punishment and torture, the next day made up for it all!